Sad News

Yesterday in the early afternoon, Grandpa Don passed away.  He has been fighting some infections since getting pancreatitis last year.  He had been hospitalized for ever since while coming in and out of a coma state in the months since.  Don married Julie's mother several months after we were married back in 2001.  He was a good grandpa to our children and will be missed. We are especially sad for Julie's mother, Jan, who is widowed for the second time.

The sad news is that our doctor has stated that because of the nearness of Julie's return trip to the hospital for internal bleeding, she is not yet healthy enough to make a trip to Michigan.  So we will not be able to attend his funeral this weekend.  However, we are planning some time the end of the month for the whole family to go and spend a week with Julie's mother.  We believe that will be even better time to spend with her, several weeks after the funeral as she processes his departure and her new reality. 

There is something that I am seeing as I am now 35 and getting a year older every year.  Life gets harder as we get older, regardless of the money we may have to preserve comfort and avoid pain. Life still gets harder because of death, increased responsibilities, health struggles, and an increase in events over which we have no control.  I am so thankful that I do not need to be in control.  Rather, I can trust in Him who is faithful to the end...

Feeling Better

It has been almost a week since Julie was last in the hospital for a second time and she seems to be doing much better.  We have taken it easy, which isn't easy with five children around the house.  We have removed stairs except for a couple times a day and no lifting of children, especially the "chunker" Zeke and Sweet Caroline.  Selah is okay in limited doses.  Our friend Jen from the Detroit area has been here for an extra week helping out.  Her being home with Julie to help keep her off her feet has been so helpful and allows me to continue working at Rooftop.  Jen is headed back on Thursday morning after two weeks here.  We will miss her when she goes.

Thank you to all of you who have prayed, brought meals, and cared for us.  A couple more weeks and we think things will be back to normal.  I know Julie is chomping at the bit to get back to normal.  Keeping that woman off her feet is not an easy venture.  In the meantime she has been working on some beautiful crafts for the family and gifts for Caroline.  Julie has taken on some new interests in this area and it is great to see what she blesses our home and famil with.  She has to do something with all the time she has.

Thursday Update - 12 p.m.

I just talked with Julie and it looks as if they are releasing her this afternoon.  However, unlike a couple weeks ago, she has been given explicit instructions to "take it easy".  Now, the doctor instructed us to take it easy a couple weeks ago, but did not specify at the time.  So, apart from church, some grocery shopping, and visits to the doctor, Julie barely left the house.  However, life with 5 children 7 years and under is anything but "taking it easy" and normal life for us may have been what overdid it these past couple of days. 

So, Julie is coming back home to take it easy, but this time that means no lifting, no laborious movements, eating substantially and drinking large amounts of water and fluids.  Thankfully our friend Jen is staying another week to help care for the children and for Julie as I return to my post at Rooftop and balance home and ministry as we walk through her healing and recovery.

Julie is avoiding surgery again and we pray made her last visit to the hospital for some time.  Thank you to all of you for your prayers, support and encouragement.  Your continued "check-ins" on the Zilkies are appreciative and very helpful.  It is going to be an interesting couple of weeks, but we take it just a day at a time, right?

*On a side note, thank you to the many people who showed up at Rooftop for the prayer time last night.  Even though I wasn't able to make it because of our current situation, it greatly encouraged my heart to hear that you all gathered and petitioned the Almighty God, our Father, together as with one voice. 

Back Home

Well my flight got in this afternoon and I was home by 4:15.  I packed up some stuff for Julie and headed to St. Anthony's again.  Michele Herndon spent the entire afternoon with Julie and really blessed us in doing so.  Julie so enjoyed her time and appreciated Michelle's care today. 

Julie is doing okay as her blood levels are stable with a slight reduction.  She is in the 10s, 12-16 is normal, and the 7s are bad.  Dr. Probst just notified us that they are going to keep Julie overnight for continued observation, take additional blood samples at 12 a.m. and 6 a.m., and decide next steps in the morning. 

Our friend Jen is doing well at the home as I left for the hospital an hour ago.  Dinner has been provided for tonight and all is well considering everything that is taking place.  Caroline went to a friends house for the evening so that will make caring for the children a little easier.

*On a side note, Rooftop is hosting a special prayer night tonight in conjuction with our current financial series.  We invited anyone with job or financial struggles to come and be prayed for.  I see God doing some importand and cool stuff at Rooftop presently.  I am excited about tonight although I will miss it, and I am excited to see how He continues to work in our church.

Here we go again...

Ironic that I choose yesterday to update that Julie is doing well for the most part minus some minor details.  Well, this morning at her check up with the doctor he spotted a small hematoma and some internal bleeding. 

***Reminder that I am in Minneapolis right now finishing up a conference and flying back to St Louis around 4 p.m. 

Jason from Rooftop is driving her into the ER as I type and she will be admitted for further observation with the doctor ready to go to surgery immediately should her levels and other readings come back bad.  I am not sure exactly what they are looking for or waiting for right now, but it is potentially very serious.  That being said, Julie seemed to be in good spirits when I talked to her on the phone 15 minutes ago.

Please pray for her health and continued peaceful state of mind.  We are told by Jesus Himself in John 16:33,

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

Thank you for your prayers and I will update Julie's and our family's status on the blog as things develop.

Family Update

Thank you to all of you who have been praying and inquiring of how Julie and the family are doing.  On a whole I would say we are doing much better: Julie is home, Selah has transitioned well away form breast-feeding, our long time friend Jen from the Detroit area is visiting for 10 days, I have begun  reading Lord of the Rings to David and Jonathan and they are loving it, and I am presently at a ministry conference in Minneapolis for 2 days.

Julie however is not yet completely out of the woods.  Her body is still thinking she is pregnant to a degree, and thus her hormone levels are not dropping as they should.  She is having to visit the doctor a couple times a week for blood tests and monitoring while we wait for them to return to normal.  If you could, please pray that she would return to normal and that her body would heal from all that has taken place.  Her spirits are high and she is (as always) one of the primary joys of my life.  Ironic, since the conference I am attending is about Joy and what "True Joy" is about and from where it comes.

If you could, please pray for me as I am away that I would hear from the Lord and benefit from the time spent focusing on Him.  There is much on my heart and I want to be discerning and wise as to what I endeavor and how I should respond to Him in all that I am hearing and learning.  Thank you for your "agape" (unconditional love) as well as your "phileo" (sisterly/brotherly love).  Julie and I regularly give thanks to God for the support and love, both local here in St. Louis and around the world, that we are blessed to receive.

Home - 8 p.m.

Well after a wild 48 hours, I picked up Julie from the hospital this evening and she is finally home.  Selah started crying when she saw her and I had to take the sweet girl up to bed (without nursing) and rock her to sleep.  Thankfully, she went down fairly easily.  Caroline and Ezekiel are now in bed.  David and Jonathan are on their way.  Juile is checking all the emails, FB posts, and blog comments people sent and enjoying the love you all have shared witih us these past couple of days.  For this evening we Zilkies are back together again and enjoying the moment as well as looking forward to a restful nights sleep.  Many are the blessings our Father lavishes upon us...the peacefulness of tonight is way up there on the list.

More thoughts coming...

Almost Over - 3 p.m.

Well it looks as if Julie "should" be coming home this evening.  Her hormone levels are flat which means that the baby may have already died but for sure is not viable.  As a precaution that the baby doesn't continue to grow and threaten Julie's health, they will administer an abortive drug to her this evening.  Hopefully "Noel" has already passed into the arms of her Father who so lovingly designed her, even in her short life in Julie's womb.  We named him/her that because Julie thinks she was conceived on Christmas.  She felt a twinge and a momentary cramp in her lower abdomen early that morning.  Pretty cool!  :-)

Once the baby has died, it should be small enough for the body to pass it normally or to absorb the very small tissues and cells that are left behind.  At least this is our hope and prayer.  Julie will have to return to the office for some tests on Monday.  We are soooo looking forward to her coming home.  We Zilkies just aren't the same without Mama being with us.  Please pray that her body will process the baby's remnants naturally and fully.  Please pray for Selah that she will adjust to a rapid switch from Mama to a bottle.  She has not yet been willing to take a bottle of any kind...that is my wonderful and willful/stubborn little girl. :-)

Tough Choices

Well I had a chance to talk with Dr. Probst today while visiting Julie over lunchtime.  He is a great guy and wonderful doctor.  We talked about health care reform from a doctors perspective which ironically is rarely heard amidst all the noise.  I shared my two cents that it is the patients and the doctors who have not been considered in this recent bill... (okay, now that I have that off of my chest)...

Dr. Probst is great and we do have some tough choices as a couple and family.  We are waiting another day for further observation before he will take action about the probable tubal pregnancy.  When that happens however, it will impact many other factors and aspects of life.  In the short term, any type of medicine or surgery to terminate the life of the baby that will die at some point, will also impact Juile's ability to continue nursing Selah...immediately.  This may not sound like a big deal, but for nursing mothers...Julie regularly says it is one of the 5 or 10 most wonderful things she has ever done in her life.  (You have to be a nursing mom to know I guess.)  That was very sad for her and us...in the short term.

In the long term, it appears that the placenta that was not removed from Selah's delivery last year may have left some tissue that is now hindering normal movement of said "egg" into the womb/uterus.  Dr Probst can't know for sure, but this could be a problem that is ongoing.  In short, our ability to have more children is also at risk as well.  Now you may be thinking, "well you already have 5 children..."  Oh yes, we are immeasurably blessed with David, Jonathan, Caroline, Ezekiel, and Selah...but we Zilkies love life and are open to more children (biological, adopted or foster) should God bless us in the future.  Anyway, this was also hard to hear on the heels of everything else that is happening.  This is where we are at this afternoon and it is BIG stuff for us.  Please continue praying for us as we face possible surgery, and pray specifically for Julie that she will maintain the "peace of God which transcends all understanding" (Philippians 4:6-7). 

As we walk this path we want to deeply thank you our friends and family for your support and interest in the Zilkies and our desire to follow hard after our Lord.  We pray for God's richest blessings in your life and the fullness of His grace and purpose in your hearts, lives and families as well.

Julie Update - 11 a.m.

I just heard from Julie over the phone and her pregnancy hormone levels which would go up if the pregnancy was viable, in fact went down since last night.  We are presently waiting a little longer for certainty on this reality and then how to go about removing the baby who can't survive, while causing the least intrusion to Julie.  Continue to pray for clarity and wisdom for Dr. Probst and the hospital staff. 

I am taking Selah back now for lunch. :-)