Looking In the Mirror

I am a complicated person...but then again aren't we all?  In reality, I am no more complicated than anyone else, yet I like to think so because it makes me seem special.  Through most of my life I have needed to seem special.  Do you ever have similar thoughts???  By God's grace and His gentle guidance, I continue to learn more about myself with each passing year.  I can honestly say that this surprises me.  While we all will ascent to the reality that we continue to grow and learn throughout our lives, when I was younger I truly believed that at some point I would graduate and reach some level of self-knowledge, a "knowledge of God & life", or more clearly understand the "ways of the universe".  This ultimate knowledge or maturity would propel me past the daily struggle of looking in the mirror and struggling to understand, WHO is that person looking back at me?


This is a newer and somewhat unnatural pursuit for me.  I am a confident and self-assured person who is often bold and sometimes brash...or so I have been told. (insert chuckle here)  Going back to my young adult years of 17 through "last week", my philosophy was "I am who I am" and you need to learn to deal with it.  Some people loved it and me, and others well...not so much.  I will say that self-awareness was not my strong point and is an area in which I still have much to learn.

Why am I sharing this on A Contrarian's Way?  Because God wants to do something new in me even after 39 years of life and 35 years of following Jesus, since He saved me at the perilous age of 4.  Yet, in order for God to speak to us and to work in us to form us into His desired and perfect plan, we have to be willing to let him work.  Unfortunately for our ego and our comfort, the best way for Him to work in us is to reveal our deficiencies and failures so that we will stop trying to "fake it" and surrender ourselves to Him and what He wants to give to us.  I am realizing, and trying to live out this truth:

God truly is glorified and He is revealed to be most glorious in this world when His love and power are revealed through my weaknesses and failures. 

From a strictly self-centered perspective, this is not fun!  Yet, if I want the purest joy in this life and in eternity ahead, it will only be found through this difficult yet beautiful process.  As I listen to God's leadings in my life and try my best to follow Him, communicating this bittersweet journey is a part of that process in getting there...and maybe He might bestow some encouragement upon you.