A Good Day

Yesterday was a very full day for me and a very good one as well. Let's recap...

Early Sunday morning Julie left on a trip back to Michigan to see my sister, brother-in-law, and their newborn daughter, Ruby...their first child. We had hoped to see little Ruby before we left, but God's timing in bringing us to STL did not coincide as she was not born until June. We are so excited for Katie and Kent and I was thrilled to see Julie go and spend several days with them. Katie and Kent have been a great aunt and uncle to our children. Our other siblings, my sister Heather and Julie's sister Jodi are good aunts, but have children of their own and lived some distance away from us when we were in Grand Rapids. Yet Katie and Kent regularly made the trip out to our home and blessed us each time they came. The fact that they did not have children of their own increased their flexibility for sure. Now that they have their first child, we are sad that we will not be able to shower them with love and support in being the great aunt and uncle they have been. They are going to be great parents for sure!!! So we sent our Zilkie ambassador, namely Julie and her attendant Selah, on a three day trip to Detroit.

The other positive is that Julie can use the break as she has been stretched thin these past couple months since moving into a temporary home here in STL. She is doing great and taking great care of our home, but this time away for her is good. In the meantime, I get to watch our four oldest by myself for three days...which is a blast. Sunday afternoon we made pasta with butter and Parmesan cheese...and a slice of buttered bread. Not fancy, but a perennial favorite with the kids...and a meal that Julie would never dream of serving. In fact David said that it was his "favorite noodles". Sometimes simple is best. Then this morning we were up, fed, and at the zoo by 8 a.m. There was nobody there and it was great. We saw the penguins and puffins, touched the stingrays, walked through the bird sanctuary, reptile house, monkey house, and insectarium. We had 2 full hours of zoo fun and were out of there by 10 a.m. when the crowds started showing up. Also, David and Jonathan watched Star Wars for the first time yesterday afternoon. Then today they watched Empire Strikes Back for the first time and they want to finish off the trilogy tomorrow afternoon with Return of the Jedi. They are mesmerized by the movies, the larger than life characters, and they remind me of what it was like to watch those films when I was a child when they were first released. It has been a very cool time.

The second thing that was special yesterday was being part of a baptism for a neat woman and sister in Christ named Claire. Claire is the fifth child in a family of 17. Her mother Rita gave birth to 17 children in 20 years and did not have any multiples. Pretty amazing. Claire is now in her 50s with three grown daughters of her own and has a beautiful faith in God that only really took hold about three years ago. Claire grew up in a strongly denominational church-going family. Her parents were amazing people and sought to impart their faith into the lives of their children as best they could. However, with 17 kids, odds are some might not "get it" from the start. Well with many of her family and friends present yesterday, Claire got up in the service and read the story of her spiritual journey. It is a beautiful one. Her eldest daughter is the one who actually pursued her heart and was the lynch-pin for her finally seeing and believing in Jesus for herself three years ago. Not only that, but Claire is now heavily involved in the life of Rooftop and in the lives of her three girls as a loving and godly mother and grandmother. I thoroughly enjoyed our conversations as we talked about her spiritual journey and what she wanted to share before being baptized. The water in the baptismal was cold, but the warmth of support and love in the room from Rooftoppers, her family and friends, and the blessing of God's presence more than made up for it.

Finally, I met with a bunch of Rooftoppers who volunteer their time and energy to serve our church community. We are planning a big fall serving event that will hopefully accomplish much in line with God's will for our church and for our community. There are more details to come, but it will be successful because of the great servants and volunteers God has placed at Rooftop.

Yes, yesterday was a good day. I continually get excited to think of the many like it that, Lord willing, are yet to come.

Trusting God

As Julie and I continue to settle into life here in St. Louis and at Rooftop we often find ourselves reflecting back on our journey in getting here. The other day we both looked back on all of the churches where we applied to throughout 2008 and the numerous ministry positions which we made the final 10, final 5, and on several occasions the final 2 or 3. Yet at each point we were told, "sorry, we are going in a different direction." I remember the feeling in my gut when I heard that after months of pursuing each of these different positions, once again this was a closed door. We got used to, and even pretty good at being rejected with grace and also with inquisitive questions as to what we were lacking.

There was a church in Grand Rapids which we were one of the final 3 candidates and getting all the right signs from them. It looked very promising after our on-site interview and we were getting quite excited and then a week later...they went silent. Our family attended their service that weekend and the previous enthusiasm we had seen had been replaced with a polite "hello" followed by a little awkwardness. A week later we hear that they had gone with the dark horse candidate who took the interview process by storm and ultimately took the position.

There was another church in the Houston area that we traveled to for a formal interview. It was between me and an older gentleman. The church had a choice of the younger, passionate, and somewhat "risky" Jeremy or the older, established, stable (other guy). We had a lot to offer that church and community in connecting better with younger people and families and I thought we were going to get that offer. In fact, although Julie wasn't sold on the church I kept telling her that if they offered us we should accept. However, if I am honest, I was saying "yes" for many of the wrong reasons. We would have been repeating some of the problems we faced at our previous church that were related to how we "fit" with the church culture, and yet I was feeling desperate. It was pretty much a coin flip and they chose the other guy. You can only wonder what would have happened had they said yes and how different so many things would be.

Through the help of a ministry "head-hunter" I was put in contact with a church in Pennsylvania and the position that they were describing seemed a perfect fit for Julie and I. More interesting is that there were no other viable candidates who passed the first couple rounds of interviews and vetting because of the specific requests and requirements of the ministry position in question. We were a shoe-in and very excited to move to the Philadelphia area. Then, they had some Senior Pastor developments and in the process of working those out and hiring their current pastor, they ceased the search for the position we had been pursuing for several months. So close and yet...

There was even one church in Tennessee who after speaking with their two lead pastors decided that they were going in a different direction as well. When I asked them about other candidates and what they had found, they said, "oh, there are no other candidates, we just don't feel like you would be a good fit." Ouch! I had been rejected before, but at least someone had bested me for the position...in this case I lost out to nobody which is much worse.

But it was after the Houston visit in November that things changed for me and for our family. Around Thanksgiving God convicted me of some sinful thoughts and beliefs of mine that were rooted in fear and lacking faith. This was very startling to me as I realized it and led me to fast for an extended period of time in hopes that God would straighten me out. After the fast, heading into 2009, everything had changed. My heart had been renewed and Julie and I had been freed from the process of looking for a church. We were now down to one ministry position (Rooftop) and had decided that if Rooftop didn't work, God was closing the ministry door. In addition to that, I was no longer desperate to get back into vocational ministry. If Rooftop didn't work, then into the marketplace we would stay and likely move back to the Detroit area.

Yet, God had a plan and we had been given freedom from the Holy Spirit. Freedom to say "yes" or "no", based on what God wanted and not what we "needed" to transpire. It was a much different process for us which led to a little drama in the final weeks of the interveiw process here at Rooftop before being offered the position. In our desire to walk this different path, we made some contrarian decisions which contirbuted to the previously mentioned "drama". Ultimately, God is faithful and worked it out for His glory as we authentically sought to seek and obey Him. He can be trusted. The real question is, to what lengths will we go and what will we give up to show our trust in Him?

Family Update

There is a reason we call him among other names..."big face"




Julie taught David to read last fall and he has really taken off and is doing so well. Since then Jonathan has wanted to learn and Julie told him she would teach him this fall. He did not want to wait. Between his own initiative and David's tutoring, Jonathan is teaching himself to read and is doing quite well. Here is a picture of a very common occurrence in our home...the boys combing over a nature book and memorizing all of the zoological information inside as David helps Jonathan read and access the "vital" information on the pages.


Our three little ones hanging out in the rocking chair.


Little girl is starting to grow up...adorable indeed!


Climbing the neighbor's tree. We love our neighborhood!!!

Reality Check

Ever since joining the Marines at 18, running has been a part of my life. Although never a great runner, I have been a strong runner and have loved the challenge of competing against my fellow Marines at the various levels of physical training we would be required to do. In order to excel at my Physical Fitness Tests, which were considered in my promotions, I would go out and run on my own. Some of my favorite runs were the hard runs up various hills, and specifically a hill called "KT or Kansas Tower" on the Marine base in Hawaii. This was the highest point on the base, not counting the rifle range, and from it you can see much of the windward side of Oahu. This hill would separate the runners from the pretenders by seeing who could make it up the whole way without stopping? I loved this hill and I loved the challenge of getting to the top without stopping. I loved the challenge of racing against the guys in my unit to be the first to the top and I sometimes was. It definitely fueled my competitive fire.

Here is the view from the ocean...


And here is the view from Kansas Tower looking out over the golf course into the Pacific Ocean. (I don't know the gentlemen in the picture, sorry...)


Well, that was 12 years ago, and here in St. Louis I am beginning to face the reality that everyone faces as they grow older. I have mapped out a 3 mile run here in South Hampton where I live that starts at my house and goes out and around Francis Park and then back to our home. I have now run the course four times and I still have not been able to complete the 3 mile run without stopping, yet...

I will get to the point soon when this run is really no problem. However that day has not yet come and it is definitely taking longer than it ever has before. Tonight, talking to Julie I realized I am getting older. Being 34 is different than being 24. Although in my mind I am still that 20 year old Marine running up Kansas Tower, my body is telling me something different. I must be patient and allow my 34 year old body to adjust and adapt to what I am asking of it. This is a hard reality to accept.

One of the things I do love about running is the pain and discomfort is causes me, as strange as that sounds. I find that when I am hurting and uncomfortable I am much more focused and fervent in my conversation with God. Recently my prayer has been, "Oh God, please give me self control the next time I want to stuff my face with dessert and help me to remember the price I am paying now for that dessert I just had and the one in the near future." But as this fades and running gets easier, I hope and plan to pray for my sharpness of mind and spirit and also for the neighborhoods and the streets that I am running. Julie and I really want to bloom where God plants us, and we want to be a blessing as God has blessed us.

Physical exercise has always been helpful and a beneficial component of my spiritual life. Moreover, Francis park is such a beautiful park to run around and the neighborhoods of South Hampton are beautiful neighborhoods. We really are blessed here on Gresham and want to live life to the fullest today. Even as we look to buying a home in the near future, we do not do so without considering God's desire for us here. We love being neighbors and learning to love our neighbor as ourselves. This is the second greatest commandment after all, right? That was my prayer tonight as I closed up my run, "Father, teach me to love as You love." That is who we are as Christians and followers of Jesus Christ. We are God's ambassadors of love. In spite of my pain and discomfort from the run, this truth was the greater reality check.

Update on David, Julie & the Car

For those of you following along with our life via the blog, you know the past several weeks have been very intense to say the least. In a matter of days our car was stolen, Julie had some major health concerns related to Selah's birth, and David had severe pain in his hip without a fall or accident of any kind.

In response to all of this, we prayed and many of you prayed...and this evening we have a very positive update.

Julie saw a doctor and although there is a small piece of the placenta remaining, her health and iron level is high enough for them to be patient and see if things correct themselves in time. Along with that her bleeding has diminished and there has been no trace of blood for 5 days now which is very encouraging.

The car has been cleaned, the console fixed, and is operable again. There is no radio and the A/C was damaged slightly, but it is running well and for half of what we were told it would cost.

We are most thrilled for David, who after being prayed for last weekend at our church's worship night by several leaders and an elder in the church has his pain diminish over the weekend and has been completely pain free for several days. We have a follow up doctor's visit in July where the X-rays will tell us of any bone deformation, but for the time being things look and David is feeling good.

I am being reminded to ask God fervently in prayer for that which He has laid upon my heart. Sometimes I just "trust" God and assume He will do what He will do. Yet, this is not God's complete desire for me because He wants me to pursue Him and to keep pursuing Him. Ironically, Jacob wrestled with God in the book of Genesis and would not let go until God blessed Him. Finally, after a long night, God gave in and blessed Jacob. Yet, he touched Jacob on the hip and gave him a limp as a reminder that He had wrestled with God and won.

I don't know if we are completely out of the woods yet...we will see. I do know that God is "marking" this journey for David, for Julie and for myself. Today, David felt great and played chase with his brother Jonathan and sister Caroline. They had a blast and for that...today, we give thanks.

Looking For A Home

Since we arrived in St. Louis on April 29th, Julie and I have been looking for a home to permanently purchase and move our family into. Our life has not stopped, nor even settled with all of the events and occurrences that have taken place. Yet, we know that our current home is just temporary while we look for a place to land for years to come.

We want a home big enough for our growing family, a kitchen where Julie can work her "magic", and also a home where we can invite friends and family to come and stay with us for days at a time. Julie wants to buy a house that will fit comfortably in our budget and not overextend us, I also want to protect our budget, which we work very hard to maintain, but am willing to risk more for value and a good investment as well. We tend to come at this process from two slightly differing points of view.

We are now in our 6th week of looking for a home and haven't felt a peace about one yet. Some Julie has liked, and some I have liked, but we are not going to proceed with a home until we both agree and have peace that "the home" is what we desire and can honor God with. Most importantly, as we look at all of these homes and make these major life decisions, we try to remember that what makes a home is the lovingkindness and joy within the walls and not its size, location, or the interest rate you are paying on the mortgage. Presently, mortgage rates are going up and the days of 5% are probably long gone. How should this affect our search for a home??? It shouldn't!

It is so easy to fall into the pressures of American life: having a real nice home, paying the best rate, not missing the opportunity, and so on. Honestly though, that is the "tyranny of the urgent" and will never bring the peace and joy into a home that makes the home the special place it is supposed to be. Honestly, I feel some of that pressure to act quickly and you know what? Shame on me if I give in. Our God does not deal or depend on good interest rates or resale value in order to provide for His people or accomplish His will. Rather, he looks for these times in our lives to see how we will seek after Him, depend on Him, and grow closer to Him as we walk through life's tough decisions.

For those of you who feel pressure from the "tyranny of the urgent", do not worry, but rather entrust yourself and your family into the loving hands of a sovereign God. It sounds overly simple, but He clothes the lilies of the field, and He feeds the birds of the air. He has not forgotten about you and will provide for you as you entrust yourself to Him.

Psalm 34: 12-15
12 Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days,
13 keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies.
14 Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.
15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry.

The Boiler Room

Tonight we experienced our first "Boiler Room" at Rooftop. That is the worship night to include communion that takes place every 3-4 months. Not only that, but I was able to work with Jason in planning it and was able to contribute some of my heart and personality into the evening. It was a great privilege for sure.

In addition to that, one of my Rooftop brothers asked this week if we wanted to lay hands on David and pray for him at some point. I felt like the Boiler Room was the time and place for that. So about half way through, I went and got David from his kids room at the church and we sat down and read James 5:13-18 together. I asked him what James said to do if you were sick, and he said, "ask the elders of the church to come and pray for him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord". I asked David if he would mind if we did that, he said "No, I would like that".

I couldn't ask everyone to pray as I did not want to take away the focus of the evening. However, I know the Rooftop family loves and embraces us and our family and our recent challenges. I am thankful for each of you who want to live fully for Jesus and allow me to be encouraged and motivated by witnessing it first hand. I also pray for David, that he would see passionate followers of Jesus who love Him above all else and will obey His commands. I don't know how, but this was a big night for David. As I was praying I thought of Jacob who wrestled with God in Gen 32:22-32 for a whole night and before the dawn He bested God in the wrestling match and got his blessing. But...God touched his hip and he walked with a limp thereafter.

I believe we acted in faith by praying for David and I do believe God will heal him. Might I be wrong, maybe...but more importantly, I am praying that whatever the journey my son goes on with his God, that David may be convinced of God's blessing on him and if the price for that is a limp like Jacob, then so be it.

The Boiler Room finished up, the band and the horns did a great job. Communion was awesome as we knelt collectively at the improvised altars...it was a special night for sure. Just another short wonderful chapter for us here in St. Louis, following God's call on our life to go to a land I will show you.

Happy Birthday, Julie!!!

Yesterday, June 5th was my wife Julie's birthday, her 35th to be exact. Her day started with David, Jonathan, Caroline and I making a trip to the mom and pop doughnut shop at the end of our street to pick out Julie's favorite doughnut, an apple fritter! Of course, the kids all had to pick out one as well! Later that day, the same three kiddos and I went out for flowers for Mama as well. They all wanted to get Julie sunflowers which had just come in fresh that day. In addition to that, David got Julie an orange flower, Jonathan a red one, and Caroline a pink one. It is wonderful watching the kids pick out flowers for their Mama, as they did back for Mother's Day as well. I think it is more of a blessing and treat for me watching them select the flowers than it is for Julie to receive them. Our children are truly amazing creations...for sure.

Thanks to some generous Rooftoppers, who volunteered to watch our kiddos, I was able to make dinner plans for just the two of us...errr, three of us including a nursing Selah. But, three is more romantic and peaceful than seven so we were thrilled to bring her along. And actually, Selah is the key to the rest of our evening, which turned out to be an amazing night and birthday...one of the best we have celebrated together in our 10 years of friendship.

We live in South St. Louis, very near the Italian district and along with that community are a slew of great Italian restaurants. Not knowing St. Louis all that well, I asked a friend and very knowledgeable restaurateur named Will, and he was very helpful. The first recommendation was Cunetto House "the standard" for Italian food here in St. Louis, but they did not take reservations. Next on his list was Trattoria Marcella, which did take reservations, so we had our birthday restaurant.

As soon as we arrived, the hostess saw little 7 lb Selah and she was enraptured with her. In fact everyone who sees little Selah these days is enraptured with our 2 month old who looks like a newborn still. As we were seated Mike introduced himself as our waiter and did a great job all evening. This was the first time Julie and I had an evening away from the family since arriving here in St. Louis. We don't need many of these as we adore our family and love being together, but an evening away is special anytime you can get one.

Throughout the evening we talked, got caught up on our day, enjoyed the numerous courses and slow atmosphere of the restaurant. It was wonderful time connecting with my bride and wife of 8 1/2 years. Periodically throughout the evening people would see Selah and comment and several conversations would begin. Julie and I, loving to engage people, were thrilled to meet people and get to know them... however briefly.

Shortly after we started with out dinner, the table next to us filled with an older couple who looked very sharp and whom immediatly took notice of....you guessed it, Selah. When we shared that she was not our first, but rather our fifth we got the usual look of surprise. This started a conversation that was intermittent at first, but increased progressively throughout the evening. John and Jan were from West County and had three grown children of their own. They vacationed at a cottage in Northern Michigan and John was an officer in the Marine Corps in the 70s. Additionally, they are Jesus followers as well and we shared numerous wonderful family stories and anecdotes throughout our evening. After some time they finished their meal and said their good byes. We were just finishing our dessert but had not yet gotten our bill. As they left and I asked Mike for our bill, he had a little surprise for us...

John and Jan had anonymously paid for our bill and wanted to leave before we knew. Julie and I sat there in shock. We had saved for several months and with our budgeted funds had spent quite a bit on dinner that evening, and yet this wonderful couple, fellow Marine, brother and sister in Christ gave us the ultimate gift on Julie's birthday. You see these past several weeks stuff has happenned that is part of life but has caused us some difficulty and presented some challenges. These difficulties and challenges have not yet gone away and they might not for some time. Yet, that expression of grace from God through John and Jan, left us both speechless and with tears in our eyes. This was God's gracious gift to us amidst our little storm and it confirmed His presence with us and also His tender and gentle touch upon us in the midst of our struggles. Julie and I laid in bed that night just reveling in the amazing evening that God had brought about. Even today, we still are soaring on the wings of God's work through one expression of generosity and grace last night. Happy birthday Julie!!!

Overcome Evil with Good

My first sermon at Rooftop (since being hired). Part of our series "Fight Club".

http://s3.amazonaws.com/FightClub/2009-05-31.mp3

A Jolt in the Night (Update on David)

Last Saturday morning at about 5am, Julie and I were jarred out of our sleep by the wailing of David (7) our oldest son. At the same time as we were abruptly waking up, Jonathan (5) is standing there silently staring at us wanting to tell us David needs help, which freaked out Julie a second time. Well, our son David who had been mentioning some slight pain in his hips for a week or so is now in terrible pain and can’t move his legs to get out of bed. This was surprising to say the least and so sad to see and hear our beloved David in the condition we found him early that morning.

As we talked with David and asked him what happened and how everything was feeling, we didn’t feel there was anything that the ER would do and we had an appointment with a pediatric orthopedic specialist first thing on Monday. I got David up, helped him walk around a little bit to try to loosen things up, gave him some Ibuprofen, and he was able to settle back down to sleep for several more hours. That morning however, I was carrying him to the bathroom, to the breakfast table, to the couch, and wherever else he needed to go so as not to inflame his hip and increase his pain once again.

Sunday we took it easy and he felt a little better and really wanted to go to church, so we did. This morning he, Jonathan and I went to the Shriner’s Hospital here in St. Louis to have David checked out. The hospital was wonderful and every step of the way we were so taken care of. Although we spent several hours between x-rays, pictures, therapy, and consulting with the Asst. Chief of Staff, the time flew by. Most importantly, we received a pretty good prognosis and information which definitely helps us as we move forward.

Although they could not diagnose exactly what the problem was, they believe it is one of two things. X-rays showed no bone damage to either the upper femur bone or hip socket. This meant that David either has a temporary infection of some kind which is inflaming his hip and in a week or two it will pass, or he has Perthes Disease (click on link for details). Not yet knowing which it is, the Dr. has taken precautions as if it were Perthes and we are to limit David’s leg activity. We need to remove any weight-bearing on the hip so he is to use crutches or a child walker for the next 5 weeks. At the same time, we need to do regular stretches and exercises to ensure that his range of motion stays constant and secure if the bone does deteriorate and thus begin to heal thereafter. The problem is that the bone could heal itself misshapen or oblong and endanger David with serious loss of motion in his leg and hip long term. The exercises ensure a smooth and rounded femur that fits smoothly and moves freely in the hip socket. It was kind of a shock to Julie when I told her David will need to use a walker and crutches, but the diagnosis could have been much worse.

Along with this little surprise, Julie continued to have some bleeding and complications in the aftermath of Selah’s birth, which also picked up in intensity this past week. Sadly, this is something that could have been discovered in the hospital, but after some post-birth challenges in the delivery room no follow up was considered or done. Julie went to the doctor today for an initial prognosis and we are going to see what our options are short of an extensive procedure which would require anesthetic on her part and complicate her caring for and nursing Selah.
The Zilkie’s are doing well and we love being here in St. Louis. However, we are “in the fight” and as Jesus said, you can expect opposition as you seek to follow after me. We humbly, yet confidently believe we are in the center of God’s will considering how He got us here to St. Louis and how well we have been received by the Rooftop family. We definitely need your prayers as we are commanded by our Lord to pray for one another and intercede on behalf of each other, believing whole-heartedly that our prayers are heard (2 Corinthians 10:3-5) and that we are actively involved in the battle each day.

In the meantime, “These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world.” (Jesus – John 16:33)