Trusting God

As Julie and I continue to settle into life here in St. Louis and at Rooftop we often find ourselves reflecting back on our journey in getting here. The other day we both looked back on all of the churches where we applied to throughout 2008 and the numerous ministry positions which we made the final 10, final 5, and on several occasions the final 2 or 3. Yet at each point we were told, "sorry, we are going in a different direction." I remember the feeling in my gut when I heard that after months of pursuing each of these different positions, once again this was a closed door. We got used to, and even pretty good at being rejected with grace and also with inquisitive questions as to what we were lacking.

There was a church in Grand Rapids which we were one of the final 3 candidates and getting all the right signs from them. It looked very promising after our on-site interview and we were getting quite excited and then a week later...they went silent. Our family attended their service that weekend and the previous enthusiasm we had seen had been replaced with a polite "hello" followed by a little awkwardness. A week later we hear that they had gone with the dark horse candidate who took the interview process by storm and ultimately took the position.

There was another church in the Houston area that we traveled to for a formal interview. It was between me and an older gentleman. The church had a choice of the younger, passionate, and somewhat "risky" Jeremy or the older, established, stable (other guy). We had a lot to offer that church and community in connecting better with younger people and families and I thought we were going to get that offer. In fact, although Julie wasn't sold on the church I kept telling her that if they offered us we should accept. However, if I am honest, I was saying "yes" for many of the wrong reasons. We would have been repeating some of the problems we faced at our previous church that were related to how we "fit" with the church culture, and yet I was feeling desperate. It was pretty much a coin flip and they chose the other guy. You can only wonder what would have happened had they said yes and how different so many things would be.

Through the help of a ministry "head-hunter" I was put in contact with a church in Pennsylvania and the position that they were describing seemed a perfect fit for Julie and I. More interesting is that there were no other viable candidates who passed the first couple rounds of interviews and vetting because of the specific requests and requirements of the ministry position in question. We were a shoe-in and very excited to move to the Philadelphia area. Then, they had some Senior Pastor developments and in the process of working those out and hiring their current pastor, they ceased the search for the position we had been pursuing for several months. So close and yet...

There was even one church in Tennessee who after speaking with their two lead pastors decided that they were going in a different direction as well. When I asked them about other candidates and what they had found, they said, "oh, there are no other candidates, we just don't feel like you would be a good fit." Ouch! I had been rejected before, but at least someone had bested me for the position...in this case I lost out to nobody which is much worse.

But it was after the Houston visit in November that things changed for me and for our family. Around Thanksgiving God convicted me of some sinful thoughts and beliefs of mine that were rooted in fear and lacking faith. This was very startling to me as I realized it and led me to fast for an extended period of time in hopes that God would straighten me out. After the fast, heading into 2009, everything had changed. My heart had been renewed and Julie and I had been freed from the process of looking for a church. We were now down to one ministry position (Rooftop) and had decided that if Rooftop didn't work, God was closing the ministry door. In addition to that, I was no longer desperate to get back into vocational ministry. If Rooftop didn't work, then into the marketplace we would stay and likely move back to the Detroit area.

Yet, God had a plan and we had been given freedom from the Holy Spirit. Freedom to say "yes" or "no", based on what God wanted and not what we "needed" to transpire. It was a much different process for us which led to a little drama in the final weeks of the interveiw process here at Rooftop before being offered the position. In our desire to walk this different path, we made some contrarian decisions which contirbuted to the previously mentioned "drama". Ultimately, God is faithful and worked it out for His glory as we authentically sought to seek and obey Him. He can be trusted. The real question is, to what lengths will we go and what will we give up to show our trust in Him?