Thanksgiving & Gratitude

I read somewhere recently that Thanksgiving is the favorite holiday of a majority of people in America.  With Halloween growing in the costumes, candy, and excessive marketing and Christmas continuing to be more about stress, parties, presents, and going, going, going...  Is it any surprise that this midweek holiday where we are supposed to do nothing but rest, eat, and relax is peoples most enjoyable holiday of the year?  (I know we had a blast Thursdday with my sister in town and the food was AMAZING for sure.)

But even this idea of Thanksgiving can miss the mark if we forget its origin along with the true power in Thanksgiving...GRATITUDE.  Thanksgiving began in a colony of people in the fall of 1621.  Ironically, this colony had just lost almost half of their original 102 community to sickness, during their first year in their new land.  Think about that, having lost dear friends and family members, enduring a brutal winter with little to no protection from the elements, they still saw through all of their hardship to see the providential hand of God and took time to celebrate and thank God for His goodness to them.

If you have not read the story of the original Thanksgiving recently...you know the version where God and all things spiritual are not "cut out", you should.  When reading it, you will see an amazing providential God who in the midst of great suffering and loss, still intimately loved and cared for a community of people who loved and worshiped Him no matter what hardship came their way.

This is the power of gratitude.  Gratitude does not focus on that which we do not have or wish we did, for we could always want something more or identify something we do not have.  Rather, gratitude is a spirit of grace that exists in the heart of a person who lives each day with a winsomeness derived from their awareness that life is good and that "every good and perfect gift is from above...from the Father of heavenly lights." (James 1:17)

I desire to be a grateful person who does not overlook the life, family, health, and most importantly the saving faith that God has given.  I hope your Thanksgiving provided you a sincere moment to reflect and give thanks to God as well.  May we as followers of Jesus be marked by a spirit of gratitude in this world, whatever may come our way.

Sensing People's Prayers

The past couple of weeks have seen some good movement in my life on a spiritual level.  I have been more attentive and loving toward Julie.  I have desired to spend more time with my children and less time doing less important things like reading the news, following my sports interests, staying up late, etc.  Also, I am working on some important things at Rooftop to help people get connected more effectively and more quickly and have felt a sharp eye and a keen mind to discern some important steps we need to be taking.  Julie has noticed this or at least has noticed my demeanor around her and the children and has asked "what's up with you?". I smile because many thoughts go through my mind.

-Why now rather than months ago when I thought the same things is there actual movement in my life? 
-I have had good bursts before but few have sustained themselves over the long haul as I would have liked so should I get too confident in what will happen in the days ahead? 
-I am a pretty confident and amibitious person who casts vision much easier than I follow through on it, so I am cautious to repeast past sins of over-promising and under performing.
-A main theme in my life has been, "Jeremy you have not reached or lived up to your potential" and I continue to hear that message even today.
-I often care more about what people think about my spiritual fervency instead of what God thinks in His perfect understanding and knowledge of me and my heart.  This can lead to me hiding the bad and acting as if it isn't important. 

All these questions and sinful thought patterns lead me to a contemplative answer to Julie's question: "what has gotten into you?"  My answer to her has NOT been:

-My passion for God compels me to live more obediently and attentively. 
-I can just feel the Lord's strength and Spirit within me leading me to live differently.
-It's the right thing and I want to be God's man, trustworthy in the little things that I might be trustworthy with much.
(and other answers like this I may have given in years past)

Rather my answer to her has been, "People must be praying for me." 
Let me type that again, MY answer to her has been (and I think I really mean it) "People must be praying for me."  If something is different, I confess that it is God's grace manifest in the prayers and faith of my brothers and sisters in Christ upon whose prayers and encoruagement I am dependent to give anything of value back to my Lord and those in my life.

You see, I am a very proud person and that pride has often gotten in the way of my submission and surrender to God my Father.  I am a man of great passion and fervor when focused and envisioned with something, especially something I think God wants to do.  And yet, my greatest weakness is that I have harbored pride in various forms in my heart over a lifetime of walking with God and learning a ton about Him.  I deceive myself, as many Christians do, about how spiritual I really am and in the process I often neglect the most important part of my life.  That I have a Creator, Father God who loves me  and adores me AND...who wants me to become like His own Son, the Lord Jesus Christ. This process, becoming like Jesus, is the problem because I really don't want to surrender my life as I say I do and experience the struggle and sacrifice of being made, or remade into the image and likeness of Jesus Christ. 

Jesus surrendered completely to the Father while on earth, He had to to know and live the life He needed to live so that He could die as the perfect sacrifice.  I admit that I struggle to want this and struggle even more to follow through with this. So, for any and all of you who are and have been praying for me..."Thank you!!!" 

I am not going to presume upon tomorrow for I do not know what will happen tomorrow (James 4:13-17).  I am however very thankful for today and pray that I might honor Him with the day that He has given.  I also pray that by His grace, He may bless the desire of my heart to share His love and grace with those He is bringing into my life at this time.

Peace...

Selah Alane Zilkie

4-7 month pictures of Selah and the family.
(If you get the email you may have to click to the blog.)

 

Here are the boys at our Gresham Home

We have officially moved from the city of St. Louis into Affton (on Saturday, October 24th), part of St. Louis County and 7 houses away from Rooftop's church building.  Our 6 months in the city were wonderful.  We are so excited to see what life in the county will bring...

Rooftop's "Be The Church Day"

This past Saturday I was privileged to be a part of Rooftop Community Church's first "Be The Church Day". This was an effort to get "a bunch" of Rooftoppers to come together for the purpose of serving each other, the community, and ultimately revealing the glory and goodness of God through our actions and "loving our neighbor" (See Matt 5:14-16, John 13:34-35). 

The day was phenomenal and we had over 150 Rooftoppers including children, come and serve, learn about serving, and be a community of people unified and intent on a single purpose (Phil 2:1-4).

Here is a video overview overview of the day...

(email subscribers may need to click to the blog for the video)

Planet Earth

It was never my specific intention to raise boys who love animals, nature, and all things created by our Uncreated God. Yet, both David and Jonathan have grown (7 & 5 now) into young men who love animals, birds, flowers, leaves, even insects...and want to value and cherish life in all shapes and forms. At their young age, when other kids are watching or reading about cartoons or other "kid stuff", my boys sit on the couch reading and memorizing the different birds from the "Birds of North America" book. To be fair to them, they do like their Star Wars stuff and other things boys their age do, but their interest in zoology is definitely something special that Julie and I are trying to nurture each and every day. I don't know where this will lead...will they be zoologists some day? Maybe...

Their favorite video of all time is the Planet Earth video series by BBC released in the past 5 years or so. It truly is an amazing video series and even more amazing when watching it with and through the eyes of a 5 and 7 year old boy filled with wonder. During our vacation in August we watched all 9 episodes (again) in 6 days time and we loved it.

I was reminded of it this morning in my friend Aaron's blog and wanted to share it with you as well.

Enjoy, and try to wrap your mind around a Creator God who knows and is intimately aware of every creature that lives and moves on this earth...



...or this one...which is even better...

My Dad - Part 3

It has been several weeks since part 2 and since I preached the message on God as Father from our current message series at Rooftop, but I wanted to come back and close out my Father journey. Before I do that, I will share that many, many people commented to me the significance of my message on God as Father, sharing their own hurts and issues related to their father. A person's age was no discriminate either, having 40-60 years olds comment as frequently as 20-40 year olds. The impact of a father, good or bad, is felt for a lifetime and is foundational toward how we view certain aspects of life, ourselves, and especially God who is our Heavenly Father.

My father journey since my dad died has been very colorful. I dated and pursued three different relationships with Christian women my age who all came from strong Christian families with strong fathers. All three relationship attempts failed and it was not until I was in relationship with Julie whose dad had passed away years before and was not in the picture that I finally realized I had actually been "dating dad" with all three women, and not necessarily the women themselves. (I am sure this contributed to the broken pieces of each of those relationships).

There have been men in my life for periods of time who have helped fill in the father role:

Gary Petrous - he was the manager of the newspaper office in Romeo, Michigan when I was delivering papers back in the day. He was energetic, engaging, and a Vietnam Veteran who also loved the University of Michigan. For those of us who worked for him and were closes to him, he felt like Bo Schemblecher training us for life even as we were just delivering papers. He challenged me, influenced me positively for the Marine Corps, shared my love for the Wolverines, and engaged me in significant dialogue. He was not a follower of Jesus last I knew, and had no interest being one. Yet his vision for me and his wisdom gained were an incredible gift for me in my early teenage years.

Terry Vanderwerf - he was the youth pastor at our church up until my senior year when he and his family moved to the mission field in Mexico. I remember spending time with him in high school, just hanging out talking with him, enjoying that time together, even though there was not stated purpose. He always pointed me toward Jesus Christ and again helped fill in the gap in that time.

Ernie Elmore - Once in the Marines and while stationed in Okinawa, Japan, I met Ernie and Bobbie Elmore. He was former Marine who served as a missionary to the military guys in Okinawa. I met him and Bobbie at their home/ministry center and fell in love with them. He discipled me for 4 months while I was there and opened up his life to me in that time. By this age (21) I was realizing my desire to be mentored and welcomed his filling that role for a season. I love Bobbie and Ernie and am thankful for their presence, not only in my life, but also in the lives of hundreds of others as well.

And here I am today, now 34 years old, a father myself of 5 children ages 7 and under and I still would love a mentor/father figure to journey through life with. I haven't had one in a long time, but I will say that my Father in heaven has done well to raise me up, teach me through His Spirit, and show me what a Father is supposed to be. Hopefully I will correct the missed areas from my own dad and leave a very significant and Jesus Christ centered impact on the lives of my children for their life journey.

For those of you who have read these father posts, I would encourage you to reflect on your relationship with your dad and how it may have impacted your relationship with God our Father. Many people cruise through life never becoming aware of the impact their earthly father has had on their earthly life and contributed to the struggles in their relationship with God as a result. I pray for each of you in your journey. May the Holy Spirit reveal Truth to you and draw you closer to our Father, the one true and perfect Father.

My Dad - Part 2

My wife Julie read my blog last night and agreed with me that from a style standpoint, it was not one of my better efforts. Yet the content in the blog was the most personal and the time it took to write was the greatest in length. That being said, this is the very reason why I am writing and is the reason why we need to look more deeply into our own belief in God as the Father Almighty. This is what the message at Rooftop is on this week and why I am writing about it. I along with everyone else has to overcome to varying degrees the impact our own father's have had on our ability and desire to know God as our ultimate Father. So here goes part 2...

At age 17 during my senior year, my dad was diagnosed with this disease I had mentioned previously. At first the seriousness of it was shocking. In the months to follow, it was major component in me recommitting my life to Jesus. This was the day as an adult where I surrendered all of myself and my life to Him. In retrospect, it was the greatest day of my life surpassing even my wedding day and the births of my five wonderful children. For had I not had that day, I would not have my incredible wife and amazing children. In the months following my recommitment, my dad's condition stabilized and God began leading me to enlist in the Marine Corps. As the time for my departure to Boot Camp drew near the seminal moment in our relationship took place.

During a conversation about me going to Boot Camp my dad expressed his doubts in me being able to graduate. He cited different character and personality flaws along with personal quirks which he thought would be problems. This was hurtful to an 18 year old young man about to venture into the most dangerous endeavor of my life. If anything, I needed and wanted my family, and especially my father, to bless me and believe in me. My response was all too familiar as well and I began to criticize dad for being a failure for not supporting me and breathing life into me for my upcoming adventure. As I finished, my dad to my shock raised his hand and slapped me across the mouth. I was stunned and then filled with rage. My father, who normally could have stood down his 18 year old son in a physical confrontation was now weakened by the disease and I knew it. I also knew I was stronger as I had been training to go off to Boot Camp and believed I could finally best my dad should I need to. Subsequently, I told him with the most defiant sneer, "don't ever touch me again". Dad, not backing down from my challenge raised his hand to hit me again, but this time I was ready.

I blocked his hand with my own and shoved him against the back door. I put my hand around his neck and held my other hand cocked in a fist ready to hit back. Now he was stunned, and there I stayed, staring into his eyes but I choosing not to follow through. My older sister and future brother-in-law were in the house and came running in and separated us. In the hours and days that followed, as was my dad's normal response, he acted as if nothing had ever happened and never said a word about it. I on the other hand remember struggling with the unresolved anger for several days before putting it aside myself. That was the last personal interaction I had with my dad before leaving for Boot Camp a couple months later.

A couple months into Boot Camp I got a letter saying dad had gone into the hospital with a worsened condition. I told my Drill Instructor and was able to get a couple phone calls home (which is not normally allowed) to see how he was doing. He bounced back and after several days came home from the hospital. When I came home from Boot Camp after graduation he seemed fine and back to normal. I left again after 10 days at home for my next duty station and did not return home for 5 more months, the weekend of my 19th birthday. I was in between two duty stations, Boston and Pensacola and went home to see my high school buddies for the weekend.

Before flying back on Sunday, I had to run some errands Saturday afternoon and my dad, out of character, asked to come along with me. Puzzled, I said sure and we spent a couple hours in the car together. We talked about all sorts of surface stuff but didn't argue for which I was thankful. We didn't talk about anything meaningful either, but I guess being with me in peace for that afternoon was meaningful to him.

The next morning I got up to catch my flight back and I went in to say good-bye. Mornings were especially tough on my dad in his sickness as it took him a while to get going. I stuck my head into his room and waved goodbye. Instead of waving, he called me over, which again was something abnormal from him. As I came over to his side of the bed he struggled to sit up and then for the first time in my conscious memory, he said " I love you" and he kissed me on the cheek. I remember feeling weird and not knowing how to respond. I think I said "I love you" back and then went on my way. Three weeks later, in the middle of the night, I received the phone call from my mom telling me dad had died.

I still to this day wonder if he knew. Did he know he was going to die? Was the kiss and the "I love you" his one final olive branch to me his only son? Did he realize all the holes left and mistakes made with me over the years? Or was he just wanting to not let our last memorable encounter together be the fight in the kitchen a year earlier? Either way, that kiss and those words have helped me deal with his passing and my search for peace in my relationship with my father. Over the next few months I had nothing but time to think about the lost relationship with my dad. Those months honestly were the hardest months of my life since graduating high school.

Most people entering into adulthood with father issues have their father present or at least alive. If they choose, and if the father obliges, often there can be peace made and restoration brought to the relationship. Sometimes there isn't such peace and the relationship only gets worse. For me, my dad was gone. I have no doubt he was and is in heaven for his faith in and love for Jesus. But he was gone for my lifetime, and I was left to chase the ghost of my absent father. I had much childishness and immaturity yet to grow through and no help or direction in doing it...no earthly help that is...

My Dad - Part 1

This weekend, Rooftop continues our series on The Apostles' Creed. We are teaching through the creed as a means of covering the important foundational components of the Christian faith, and this week I am speaking on "God the Father Almighty". This will be interesting because I am living what I am teaching, and I am going to share the unabridged version here for the record and a more fuller understanding of my own search for my Father.

None of us first learns what "Father" is supposed to mean from a textbook nor from any other objective source. Rather from our earliest memories, we learned about "Father" from our own experiences with or without a father or father figure. So here you have a biblical truth "God as Father" and yet all of us come to this idea with our own misconceptions and presuppositions...all dependent on the nature of our relationship with our own fathers. This ranges from great to horrible and touches every possible reality in between as well.

For me personally, I have been on a father journey since my own dad died on December 1st, 1993. In the middle of the night, I received a call from my mom that my dad had died. He had been battling a rare heart disease he had contracted a couple years earlier. I was in the Marines at the time and would be promoted from Private First Class to Lance Corporal the following morning. I received my promotion and then got a plane ticket home from my duty station in Pensacola.

The almost 16 years since has been some kind of journey for me chasing the ghost of my father. You see, my father was a good man and he was a simple man. He did not want much from this life: God, his family, his workshops, his church, his hobbies; and that is what he had. I am his only son, and I am about as different from my dad as someone can be. As good a man as my dad was, willing to serve and help anyone who needed it, I had little to no relationship with my dad because he did not know how to relate to me beyond doing things for me which was his language of love.

This blog is difficult because my relationship with my dad was so erratic. I want to and need to honor him, and yet I also want to be honest about my journey, and as my father, he played a big role therein.

My dad had a very rough childhood. He was a very small boy who did not get his growth spurt until he was 20 years old...growing one foot in one year. He also suffered from a variation of dyslexia. And this was before there was good training in schools to deal with it appropriately. He never talked about it, but I can imagine being the smallest boy in 8th grade (being one of the smallest boys in 8th grade myself) and also having reading problems for no apparent reason and probably being called "stupid" by his classmates. Consequently, my father had to repeat both the 3rd and the 8th grades in order to graduate. From what I understand, 8th grade gym was the worst and oh...8th grade boys can be so brutal when they want to.

Ironically, my dad lost his dad when he was 25. Grandpa Zilkie had a massive heart attack while getting his hair cut at the barber shop in 1967. From what I was told, he, like my father, was not much of a communicator either, and so my dad very much was a product of his environment.

I share this because it is important to know the path my dad came from. And yet, that knowledge did little to help me in my adolescence when I found myself in the same or similar position as my father had found himself 32 years earlier. More on that later...

My dad coached my first soccer teams. He always drove me around on my paper route on Sunday mornings when the papers were too heavy to put on my bike. He spanked my butt for lying to him when I was in 3rd grade and was right in doing it. He did a lot of things for me and tried in many areas to support me. And yet though he was physically present in my life, he never talked with me about life...ever. And so I was a lonely, depressed, and confused young man who was destined to face the dangers of adolescence on my own, going without what I needed most...a loving father's wisdom, support, and help.

To this day, I love my dad, naming our oldest child after him, David Lawrence Zilkie II. And yet, I get so frustrated when I see the missed opportunities in his life and the consequences I and our family endured as a result. Beyond the age of 10, the only kind of communication I remember having with my dad was arguing and fighting. Constantly arguing about nothing, and boy, I could get him riled up some of the time. I also lost respect for my father and in some ways grew to be ashamed of him. This is a terrible thing and would break my heart if my children ever felt this way about me. I wonder how he felt? He never let us know...

(Part 2 tomorrow)

The Journey to Manhood

When I was a child I was part of a group similar to the boy scouts, but organized through my church called Christian Service Brigade. My dad was a leader and worked with the boys that came through for almost 30 years of his life. In addition to the weekly meetings involving working through a handbook, building various crafts (most of which Mr. Joe Hoover had come up with), and playing dodge ball in the gym, we would periodically go on weekend camp outs to various locations.

One of the regular activities we would take part in as young men was building a fire. There is something very exciting and dare I say "dangerous" about fire and it captures the imagination of many a boy...including myself. Although I was taught to build a fire as a kid, I would also like to light papers and things on fire in my old garage growing up as well. Mom and Dad didn't know and I never burned it down so I guess all is good.

After graduation from high school I got a job as a camp counselor in West Michigan at Camp Kaskitowa for the summer. One or our responsibilities was campfire each night and about my fourth or fifth day, I was put in charge of the fire for the evening. Thinking I remembered everything I needed to know about a fire I got all the little twigs and leaves...also known as kindling...and I put together a fire for the evening. I had these big logs stacked up nicely and the kindling underneath. Well I started the fire and the evening program began. Sadly, I had forgotten one thing...the medium size sticks and branches necessary to bridge the gap between the kindling and the logs...about 5 minutes into the the campfire the fire burnt out.

Well, the lead counselor had one of the guys go run and get the gasoline, they doused the wood, and it quickly was ablaze. After the campfire was over the leader pulled me aside and said, "Zilkie, you don't know how to build a fire?" I was embarrassed and felt as if my manhood was on the line. My punishment for screwing up the fire was the privilege of building the campfire for the next week. (Which was some work gathering all of the wood necessary to burn a big fire for an hour or so.)

Fast forward 17 years and we are vacationing a couple weeks ago at the Lake of the Ozarks. There is a beautiful fire pit and I see an opportunity. I will begin teaching my children how to build a fire...the right way...just in case they ever are in charge of "campfire" later in their life.

First I had them collect three different types of fuel (wood) to burn. Kindling...smaller sticks and branches, and finally the bigger wood where the real fire and heat come from...


After they had collected and put it in piles we began the building process placing the little twigs and paper at the bottom. We then laid the medium size sticks on top of those in a tee pee formation. Finally we gently laid the larger logs on top without knocking the other sticks down. I handed the match to David and let him strike it against the matchbox and...wala...fire. He gently lit the paper on fire and watched the chain reaction. The paper ignited the twigs, the twigs as they heated up ignited the sticks, and the sticks and they got hot ignited the logs...

...just how I should have done it 17 years ago at campfire that night. No lighter fluid, no gasoline, just good old fashioned fire building and they did a great job.

...4 Months

Back in March one of my first posts was called "4 Days". That is the story of how we sold our home in Michigan in 4 days in a horrendous housing market and still got a little above what we were realistically expecting on the sales price. Well...

As of Thursday evening, we have a purchase agreement on our new home here in St. Louis. there are 4-6 weeks ahead of work to do before we close and then additional work to do before it is move-in ready. But we are thrilled and are so thankful for God's provision.

Instead of 4 Days, it took us "4 Months" to find the home that had all the "stuff" we felt was important for our growing family in this next Zilkie Home. Most importantly...

Near work - Our prayer was within 5 miles of the Rooftop building, we got 10 houses down the road...walking distance!!!

Reasonable Price - Finding a suitable 4 bedroom home here in St. Louis with all our "fixins" that didn't break our budget was not easy. We were having to look at homes way out of our realistic price range and were concerned how the financing would work out. We ended up within our predetermined range and budgeted allotment for a home purchase.

Big Yard - since our kids school at home, we needed some room for them to run, play, throw, catch, swing, and most importantly to David.."a yard that can hold my BIG KICKS" (as he told us he is getting bigger and our current yard can't hold his kicks and the ball keeps going into the neighbors yard). Our home is on an ACRE lot in the middle of the city of Affton...a real find for sure and plenty big for his "big kicks".

In fact, Julie made a list before we began of the things she felt we wanted and needed in our home and she prayed diligently over that list these past 4 months. It took some time, but our needs were provided for. Humble, God-focused, open-handed prayer is still and will always be both powerful and effective. God loves to engage us and our lives through our prayers to Him, both the "yes"s and the "no"s. In both cases, if we are praying, we come away knowing Him better and isn't that the MOST important thing???

Since we are on the subject we do ask for your prayers on everything working out up to and through the closing the end of September. In the meantime feel free to join us in thanking God for his many gifts to us...both the enjoyable ones (like our new home) and the struggles where we are separated from our flesh and our personal desires and are forced to lean on Him or crumble under the pressure.

We are so very excited to open up the Zilkie home very soon for some great dinners, great games in the "huge" yard, great parties and BBQs, lodging for distant travelers, and share with others the goodness God has so graciously shared with us.